Anyway, here goes Bottle 1:
"I grew up in a world where Ayurveda came without labels attached. Where water was filled with natural minerals like sodium and calcium. In keeping with the times, we've just put a label on it."
Even better is Bottle 2:
"I look back on life -- it's funny how things turn out. You, a connoisseur of fast food, now gaze at water that took years to make. And I, some of the purest water in the world, stand here, trapped in a bottle. Come, enjoy the irony."
How could one drink it after all that...? I felt I should set it free or something...